Simpleology Blog

Of all the things I dread doing, saying sorry scares me most. I only take comfort in the fact that I'm not the only one whose mouth runs dry when it's time to eat some humble pie.

To help out folks like me who find remorse unsettling, some experts share some face-saving tips that'll make it a bit easier for us to say sorry:

1. Don't sell it too hard. If you've forgotten your mother's birthday, don't overcompensate for your guilt by telling her that you'll throw her a lavish belated bash. Instead, simply let her know that you're making sure to include her special day into your calendar so you won't miss it again. "Informing her that you're taking steps to avoid making the same mistake shows genuine regret," says Dr. Susan M. Campbell, author of Saying What's Real.

2. Don't drown in drama. Despite your apology, it's possible that the other person may not be ready to forgive you. This is your cue to take a step back. As Dr. Bernard Weiner, social psychologist and author of Human Motivation, explains, "Sometimes keeping quiet is as powerful as speaking up."

3. Don't let pride get in the way. If you suspect you've hurt someone's feelings, apologize as soon as you can. Campbell cautions: "Ignoring your gaffe will allow the hurt to fester." Also, if two people are equally at fault, it's still up to one person to initiate an apology.

In case you're still not sold on saying sorry, psychotherapist Dr. Beverly Engel, author of The Power of Apology, presents a very powerful pitch. "Apology is not just a social nicety," she says. "It's a way of showing respect and empathy for the wronged person. No, it can't undo harmful past actions. But when it's done sincerely and effectively, it can [help deal with the] negative effects of those actions."

Yes, saying sorry may be one of the hardest things to do. But, once you're able to say it, you know you're on your way to "righting" your wrongs. That's certainly so much better than being bogged down by guilt.