Simpleology Blog

With the deluge of new projects, the office's list of "Most Likely to Have a Meltdown" candidates grew long. (I was Number Two!) I had feared that I would be taking home the title--but my friend Julia was declared the winner just a few days ago. She even received the Workaholic Candle which Samantha, our accountant bought as a gag gift.

Julia--who has never missed a deadline--pulled an all-nighter. With her brain near dead after she had already clocked in close to 20 hours straight at the office, she lost it when a setback presented itself the following morning. First, she sent me (and several others) an angry e-mail reminding us to be up to date with our task lists. Then, she fainted as she was getting her nth cup of coffee.

Though she is an invaluable member of the company, Julia has been ordered to go on a real vacation. I hope that the splendid sights of Hawaii are enough to make her realize that doing several things on warp speed isn't all that it's cracked up to be.

I dug up three good reasons that would further convince her and workaholics everywhere to cut themselves some slack:

1. Haste leads to waste. "Taking a moment to slow down can actually help your productivity," says Dr. Kirk Byron Jones, author of Addicted to Hurry. So, take a breather and cleanse your mind to make room for new ideas. Many workaholics often make the mistake of coming up with mediocre work just so they could finish as many tasks as possible. Sadly, their efforts are in vain, as the work's substandard state doesn't make the grade.

2. All work and no play makes you dull. Being serious is great--but it's not advisable to be "too serious." The folks at Slow Down Now, a site that injects humor into the lives of workaholics, certainly think that injecting humor will contribute to one's creativity.

3. Keeping it simple is sensational. In Slowing Down to the Speed of Life: How to Create a More Peaceful, Simpler Life From the Inside Out, authors Richard Carlson and Joseph Bailey assert that workaholics risk losing their capacity to feel childlike joy over "little triumphs." Workaholics, for example, wouldn't feel proud about getting through a meeting. They'll only be happy when they feel that they've trumped everyone else's efforts.

It'll do Julia a lot of good to keep these in mind when she gets back to work. In fact, she should post these three reasons on her giant cork board to remind herself that it's not a crime to quit going on full throttle 24/7. A lot of people at work would be happier when she learns how to create a more realistic task list for her division--one that wouldn't require people to work until they're overcome with mental fatigue. (It's great how you always push us to do our best, Jules...but we can't do much at all if we all get sick from the stress.)

We can all do superb work without running ourselves ragged--or winning the office's "Most Likely to Have a Meltdown" contest.

Credits: Image of Workaholic Candle courtesy of Marriott International, Inc.'s Desert Springs Spa online retail catalog.

Posted by Bean Jones at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBacks (0)

The two mystery men are (in order of presentation above - but not in importance - they are both equally magnificent) Joe Sugarman and Ted Nicholas. (you'll learn more about them as this series progresses)

If you posted the right answer, please contact our 24 Hour Live Help Desk and they will unlock for you any Simpleology course you have not yet purchased valued up to $97.

Over the next few weeks I'll be revealing some shenanigans that Joe and Ted have pulled to vacuum up "extra champagne and caviar money" during the last few recessions.

First, some housekeeping info ...

In about 5 weeks we'll be releasing our newest course based on the teachings of Ted Nicholas and Joe Sugarman. Not only have these two men generated billions (that's billions with a B) in sales purely through the sales power of the written word, but they have taught a great many others to do the same.

Ted calls it the science of "turning words into money."

How successful are their students? Well, listen to this ...

Joe used to offer a (now sadly no longer available) 5 day copywriting workshop during which he'd teach people his method for writing cash-producing advertising. To give you an idea of how successful the alumni of this workshop are, I'll give you two names: Sharper Image and Victoria's Secret.

Ted travels around the world teaching these secrets and has appeared live in front of millions. Many of the latter-day-marketing-gurus (like Yanik Silver, the late Corey Rudl, Matt Furey ...) credit Ted with some of the most critical breakthroughs that led to their success.

Now, there are some things you need to know about the course they put together with us:

1. It's called ...

The Simpleology Great Teachers Series: Ted Nicholas and Joe Sugarman Teach Direct Response Copywriting

2. Like any other Simpleology course, it is presented with the proprietary "Simpleology Learning Methodologies" which will make mastering this material extremely easy (especially if you have found copywriting difficult in the past).

3. It is based on the teachings found in 3 books by Ted and Joe - but presented in a way that will force you to master the material. (One of the books encapsulates Joe's teachings from the workshop I mentioned above.)

4. Rather than cram all this material down your throat, you'll master it slowly and methodically over the course of 12 months.

5. The course will be available starting some time in October, so get ready.

Meanwhile, curl up by the fire and get ready for some good stories. In Part 3 I'll tell you how Joe Sugarman opened up a computer store and did more sales his first day than the competing store did in the previous year.

HINT: My team once modeled this campaign and pull over $200,000 in sales out of thin air.

Posted by Mark Joyner at 6:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

Ever since I could remember, my being "the youngest" has been used to explain the way I am. As a kid, I smiled each time my parents told my siblings to let me pester them because I was "the baby." As Dr. Kevin Leman, author of The Birth Order Book, theorizes, I was just playing the part I had been born into.

However, there came a point when I no longer enjoyed being the "baby."

Pecking Rights
A few years back, my siblings started saying this: "Oh, he's our youngest. That's why our parents let him change his mind about going to med school." They unwittingly made me out to be a happy-go-lucky young man suffering from the Peter Pan Syndrome. I began to resent being constantly labeled as "the youngest."

I'm sure many "babies of the family" have felt the same way. Then again, I guess first borns, only kids, and middle children also have their own issues.

We can all thank Dr. Alfred Adler, who specialized in the personality theory. It was he who categorized us into five major birth order positions: only, oldest, second, middle, and youngest child.

By Order of Appearance
Check out the Adler's theory about each of the birth order positions:

1. Self-starter. The only child is self-sufficient and doesn't mind playing alone. Though he is the center of attention, he will most likely express his uneasiness over it later in life.

2. Leader Material. The oldest child has a take-charge attitude and often functions as a leader when he is among his peers.

3. Driven Rebel. The second child is more competitive and wants to overtake the older child--so much so that he may rebel or try to outdo everyone. He is most likely the most driven individual in the family.

4. Tough Negotiator. The middle child may be even-tempered, assuming a "take it or leave it" attitude, and may have trouble finding his place. On the other hand, he could also turn out to be a great mediator or negotiator.

5. Certified Charmer. The youngest is frequently spoiled and may never be dethroned as the baby of the family--so much so that he is likely to have big plans fueled by the desire to outdo all his other siblings. Then again, youngest kids are often very charming and enjoy being the life of the party.

Evidently, I object (if only a bit) to the fifth assertion. But I have to confess that I agree with some of Adler's observations. (I'm not saying which ones.)

But what do the experts say about one's "pecking order" influencing one's personality?

True or False?
In the Time magazine article "The Power of Birth Order," writer Jeffrey Kluger reveals: "[Various birth-order studies show that] eldest siblings are disproportionately represented in high-paying professions. Younger siblings, by contrast, are looser cannons [who are likely] to live the exhilarating life of an artist, a comedian, an adventurer, entrepreneur, GI, or firefighter. And middle children? Well, they can be a puzzle--even to researchers."

Still, not everyone is sold on the birth order theory.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Laura Markham, for one, cites a study led by J.L. Rodgers, which was published in the June 2000 issue of American Psychologist. "Their research included all the children from each family. Thus, they were able to measure how children compared to each other within each family. There was absolutely no connection between birth order and IQ."

Likewise, Kluger himself observes: "To achieve any kind of statistical significance, investigators must assemble large samples of families and look for patterns among them. But families are very different--distinguished by size, income, hometown, education, religion, ethnicity and more."

Heated debates aside, I can only hope that this bit of information from Kluger is true: "Birth-order scholars often observe that some of history's great satirists--Voltaire, Jonathan Swift, Mark Twain--were among the youngest members of large families."

If that's so, then I'm in very good company. It's the only reason why I would gladly suffer the "baby" tag for the rest of my life.

Posted by Bean Jones at 3:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (27) | TrackBacks (0)

I recently got hold of The Paranoid's Pocket Guide to Mental Disorders You Can Just Feel Coming On by Dennis DiClaudio--and I must say this book has informed and amused me.

This handy guide to the most baffling head cases in existence contains concise tongue-in-cheek descriptions that would thrill even the most extreme information junkies. I had a blast reading about ailments that could best be described as "stranger than fiction."

The Jerusalem Syndrome, for example, is a delusion that overcomes tourists who travel to Jerusalem for the first time. Those who suffer from it suddenly feel the urge to don religious garments or start speaking in tongues. (Yes, it only happens in Jerusalem.)

Then there's the baffling Foreign Accent Syndrome. The sufferers of this mental condition suddenly begin to speak in accents--even if they've never lived or traveled abroad. DiClaudio cites an example of a woman who simply started speaking with an authentic French accent though she had never been to the said country.

These are just a couple of the least popular but highly bizarre head cases in existence today.

While the book doesn't pretend to be anything else but a listing of all these strange ailments, it is a great read because, heck, it sure taught me a lot of new things. I guess one could say that DiClaudio has produced "food for the brain."

Now, isn't that ironic?

Posted by Bean Jones at 1:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

Isn't it strange that most people just focus on weight when it comes to doing the fitness math? It seems that we've forgotten that there are other "hot numbers" that are just as important.

Proving that there are other desirable digits, check out the ones summed up by experts:

15
This is the minimum number of times in a day wherein you need to laugh out loud. Aside from improving your respiration rate and enhancing your circulation, a good old guffaw has other health benefits. A study done by the Carnegie Mellon University reveals that when happy people were exposed to the cold virus, they were three times less likely to get the sniffles than their grumpy colleagues.

24
Though it may seem unbelievable, Dr. Tom Seabourne, co-author of Athletic Abs, says that this is the prescribed number of crunches you need to do every other day to tone your abs. Thus, he states that you don't need to do a thousand crunches to get a toned tummy. "In fact," he adds, "overworking your abs can be unhealthy and cause back injury, because all that repetitive motion puts undue pressure on your spinal discs."

2,000
Dr. Holly Wyatt of the University of Colorado Health Sciences Center reveals that this is the number of extra steps you probably need to take each day to prevent putting on two extra pounds each year. Don't fret--2,000 steps can be accomplished via 15 minutes of brisk walking.

If anything, these digits should distract people from the unhealthy obsession with the numbers on the weighing scale. To win the battle of wills against your "evil" weighing scale, plan your fitness program according to the energy-boosting lessons on Simpleology 103.

And, hey, I don't know about you...but I think these hot numbers are way more empowering than the ones on the scale. For starters, I'm pretty sure I'd never dread seeing them first thing in the morning.

Posted by Bean Jones at 9:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

Seasonal members of the lovable couch potato crowd like me always get a frightened look whenever health or fitness issues come up. So how do I get back in the fitness groove each time I slip into couch potato mode?

Well, among the things that inspire me to resume my fitness routine are "non-threatening" fitness tips. Somehow, reading these quirky no-pressure suggestions get me in the mood to get off the couch and hit the ground running.

Here are three of my favorites:

1. Put fitness gear in plain sight. "Place various pieces of fitness equipment throughout your home as not-so-subtle reminders to work out," recommends Joan Vos MacDonald, author of High Fit Home. She goes on to suggest that you use dumbbells as paperweights or stash exercise bands in a basket by the TV. Of course, it goes without saying that you shouldn't just let your fitness gear function as accents.

2. Go toward the light. Feeling too blue to exercise? Don't despair--just get some sunlight. Dr. Daniel Kripke of the University of California, San Diego, in a review of clinical trials of light therapy for patients suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder, revealed that sunlight also benefits people suffering from other forms of depression. Apparently, the brain produces more of the mood-lifting chemical serotonin on sunny days than on darker days. Dr. Marie-Annette Brown, co-author of When Your Body Gets the Blues, suggests that we try to soak up the rays for an hour a day. The sun gets fierce between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m., so get some feel-good light at the earliest possible time.

3. Get a dog. Dog lovers should rejoice. In his book Fitness Unleashed, veterinarian Marty Becker reveals, "Your blood pressure drops and the level of the feel-good hormones such as oxytocin, prolactin, and serotonin in your blood increases when you spend quality time with your dog." Likewise, you get a good workout each time you walk your pooch. Not a fan of canines? Don't worry, as these benefits apply to all people who own pets. "Pet owners tend to have lower blood pressure and lower cholesterol levels than those who don't," states Becker.

Keep in mind that while these tips may give you a feel-good buzz that'll get you in the mood for fitness, they won't work miracles. The decision to get back in shape begins with you. Sooner or later, you'll realize that being a couch potato stops being fun when it affects your health.

That's precisely why I'm going out for a run after I write this post. I've missed too many days already.

Posted by Bean Jones at 9:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBacks (0)

I've been invited to act as Contributing Editor for a new magazine called "Think Big" and you can pick up the online version for free.

My first feature with them will be out in Issue 3 and, frankly, I'm surprised they are printing it. It's edgier than any feature I've written for an offline magazine or newspaper to date. That fact alone gets these guys a big thumb's up from me.

Go sign up and they'll tell you when the next issue (with my article about your future) is available.

Posted by Mark Joyner at 12:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

Yesterday, I had coffee with my childhood friend Lisa. We had been neighbors until we were in the fourth grade, when her family moved to Seattle. She was back in town for a conference of some sort. We were having fun recalling the pranks we used to pull on each other when a woman walked into the coffee shop. The said woman, I must admit, was a brunette who was easy on the eyes. Naturally, the men in the coffee shop--myself included--turned to look at her.

Lisa suddenly grabbed my arm and asked, "Do you think I could be as thin as she is if I dieted to death?"

As I had grown up with two sisters, I knew that was a loaded question. Then again, I didn't understand where it was coming from. Lisa is a redhead who not bad-looking at all. So, I replied, "Why would you want to diet to death? You don't need to."

My answer only prompted Lisa to enumerate her imperfections and continue comparing herself to the brunette. "You have to stop that," I told her. Thankfully, she did. She also apologized for letting her so-called "addiction to self-comparison" spoil our conversation. "I know I have to quit trying to measure up," she admitted.

Lisa wasn't just talking about non-existent weight issues. I was quite disturbed when she confessed that she compared every aspect of her life with that of others. I could hardly believe it. I remember her being such a happy kid.

Psychologists believe that people with self-esteem issues feel bad when they compare themselves to those whom they think are better than they are. They also tend to compare themselves to someone who is worse off when they're not feeling good about themselves, say, because of a setback such as losing a job or being rejected.

"They do it in situations where they feel threatened, which happens a great deal to anyone who has low self-esteem," explains Dr. Thomas Willis, a professor of epidemiology at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in Bronx, New York.

Though most psychologists say that this self-comparison fetish is pretty much "an automatic process," a person who suffers from it can choose to fight it. Kathryn Perrotti Leavitt, in her article "When You Compare Too Much: How to Stop Focusing on Others' Successes and Start Celebrating Your Own," offers these empowering tips:

1. Be kind to yourself. Do special things for yourself that won't break your budget. You have to believe that you deserve all the best things in life. If you see yourself as a "loser," other people will probably think so, too.

2. Take pride. The next time negative competitive feelings creep up on you, take time out to appreciate your great qualities. Be proud of who you are.

3. Avoid one-uppers. If you're among acquaintances who are ruthlessly competitive--and are incapable of being happy when things are going well on your end--you may need to minimize or eliminate your contact with them.

I'd be truly happy when the day comes that Lisa won't be threatened by people whom she thinks are better than her. Instead, she should be gracious enough to praise them or be motivated to do better by them. More importantly, I also hope she realizes that a life spent constantly trying to measure up to others isn't much of a life at all.

Posted by Bean Jones at 9:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Over 100 million people have received this letter.

It was a single page in length. It asked the reader for a mere $2. It generated over 100 million dollars in gross sales.

I'm referring to the famous "Coat of Arms Letter" which was written by a man who started a massive business (he had 40 people just to open envelopes with checks) with the power of his pen alone.

The entrepreneur in question was the incomparable (and very sadly, late) Gary Halbert.

I got to know Gary pretty well before he passed away and I cherish every single conversation we had.

In the course of one of our many conversations he revealed to me what made this letter "tick."

I'd like to reveal two of the key secrets here ...

"Hidden Persuaders"

Here's an example:

"Dear Mr. MacDonald, did you know that your family name was recorded with a coat-of-arms in ancient heraldic archives more than seven centuries ago? My husband and I discovered this while doing some research for some friends of ours who have the same last name as you do."

The above line is from the Coat of Arms Letter itself which was signed by Gary's (then) wife Nancy.

There are dozens of Hidden Persuaders embedded in this letter, but the one I want to zoom in on above is subtle yet profound.

Notice the "my husband and I" line ...

This immediately keeps the letter out of the realm of "advertisement" and keeps it personal and intriguing.

You paint a mental picture of a woman and her husband poring over books. It's like it was all a happy coincidence and you have lucked out because you're in on the secret ...

This persuades you to trust and believe the sender of the letter, but it does not beg you to do so. Hidden Persuaders fly under the radar yet can accomplish a number of persuasive tasks (establish rapport, change a belief, empathize ...)

One might argue that the only real persuaders in this world are hidden. Strong arm coercion makes the reader wary and undermines any persuasion effort.

Honesty

A well known bit of advertising wisdom from the great Robert Collier advises us to "admit flaws" openly. When you do this, it disarms the reader and it subtly cues them to believe the rest of your message.

Gary employed that quite deftly here:

"It should be remembered that we have not traced anyone's individual family tree but have researched back through several centuries to find out about the earliest people named Macdonald."

This line serves several purposes, but here are two: it removes any confusion about what the reader will get and it stimulates the imagination.

To illustrate: what's your last name?

Get ready to insert it in the following blank:

Aren't you curious to "... find out about the earliest people named ________?"

Who wouldn't be? It's almost impossible to resist.

In my opinion, this is one of the most elegantly penned letters ever, despite its folksy and familiar tone.

If you'd like to learn more about the letter and exactly how Gary turned it into a profit monster, I actually have a recording of the conversation we had (with Gary's permission of course).

I asked one of my staff to turn this audio recording into a video. As Gary and I discuss the letter you are zoomed in to the exact excerpt in question.

The only place in the world to get the video is here:

http://www.simpleology.com/courses/coepl

You'll have to scroll down a bit to see it, but it's there. It's offered quietly as a bonus in an arsenal of persuasion weapons that, for the most ironic reason, I regret putting together.

Here's the story ...

The "arsenal" describes what I consider to be the only 18 persuasion weapons you actually need to know.

There are others, but these are like Bruce Lee's "one inch punch." Bruce Lee knew thousands of moves, but spent hist life mastering only the deadliest few.

There's no sense in learning a "pretty" double flying kick over the head if it will ultimately get your butt kicked in a real fight.

That's the idea with this arsenal. We zoom in on the tricks that really matter and then force you to master them.

These aren't the theories of a business author, but the actual psychological principles of persuasion that are backed up by reams of scientific evidence and actual use "in the field."

It also includes a collection of videos that demonstrate real-world persuasion in action. (this, to me, is the real gem - reading about something 100 times isn't worth seeing it in action only once)

We came up with a terrible name for it: "The Catalog of Esoteric Psychological Lore."

In retrospect we should have called it an "arsenal" - or something. Anyway ...

My wife actually worked with the team putting these "esoteric" videos together and ever since she has been certifiably "un-persuade-able."

It's official - I am doomed to a lifetime of chick-flicks.

No matter what persuasion tactic I dish out in an attempt to convince her to choose my testosterone-movies, she is like a persuasion Ninja - naming the tactic and giggling.

"Presupposition!"

"Framing!"

Wax on - wax off.

I hear her on the phone using this stuff - persuading salesmen, her parents, friends - I get a kick out of watching it.

Now, I'm half-kidding about the regret. The great news is that its made her extremely formidable in business and in life - and she's immune to a lot of the nonsense that people try to pull.

Hey, persuasion is happening all day long (either by you, or on you - you may as well get really good at it).

Posted by Mark Joyner at 6:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (10) | TrackBacks (0)

Both of these men have lived through 5 severe economic recessions and prospered lavishly throughout each.

While others were scrimping and saving these two men were living lavish champagne and caviar lifestyles in the world's most exotic locations.

How did this happen?

Over the next several posts in this series, I will not only tell you their stories but also how you can duplicate their success using some very simple techniques.

(Note that I said "simple" - not "easy" - these men did not get a lion's reward by doing lamb's work.)

Now look, the recession is no laughing matter so I don't mean to take this lightly. When I say these two men (both dear friends of mine - and together they have generated billions and billions in sales) laughed at the recession, I don't mean that they are laughing at you if you're going through tough times.

If you're in a real bind right now, I strongly recommend that you use something like the 7 Day Business Turnaround Kit immediately (it works).

If you're in no real hurry, and you want to learn how these men did billions in sales no matter what the economic tides washed in, then stay tuned to this series.

Hint: they are both trained in the same skill. Can you guess who they are? We have a Simpleology course coming soon based on the teachings of these two men (the next in our "Great Teachers" series). Jot your guess below. We'll select three of the people who give the right answer at random and give them free access to this course. Everyone who gets the right answer will get a prize valued at $97 US. Your answer must be time stamped no later than Thursday 28 August 11:59PM Eastern.

Posted by Mark Joyner at 6:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (114) | TrackBacks (0)

The Olympics are in full swing in Beijing, China and, of course, everyone gets excited when the medals are tallied. Even so, I hope we don't just focus on who's got the most gold, silver, or bronze.

Sure, the athletes who take home medals deserve to get a lot of media coverage for standing out. But what about the players who don't get ranked as the best in terms of speed or skill? Well, you see, the great thing about the Olympics is that it allows even the biggest losers to shine.

My favorite Olympic loser is Italian marathon runner Dorando Pietri, who wowed the world in the 1908 London Olympics. No, he didn't win the marathon. Not officially, anyway.

On July 24, 1908, Pietri, along with long distance runners from all over the world, took on the 42-kilometer Olympic marathon. With only two kilometers to go, the Italian athlete began to get fuzzy from dehydration. However, his determination to get to the finish line gave him enough strength to get up each time he fell.

For the record, Pietri crashed five times and had to be helped by umpires.

Some 75,000 spectators were on the edge of their seats as they watched Pietri cross the finish line first. However, the American team protested his dramatic feat as umpires helped Pietri get back on his feet each time he fell. The complaint was deemed valid and Pietri was disqualified, as well as subsequently removed from the final standings of the race. USA's Johnny Hayes ended up taking the gold medal.

But guess what? It was Pietri who had everyone cheering.

Writer Arthur Conan Doyle proposed that he be given a special gold-plated silver cup by Britain's Queen Alexandra. Composer Irving Berlin then wrote a song for him entitled "Dorando."

To celebrate the centenary of Pietri's non-victory, a statue of him was unveiled in his home town of Carpi, near Modena in northern Italy, last May. "The myth of Dorando is one of the biggest of the Olympics," Ivano Barbolini, coordinator of the Dorando Pietri centenary committee, declared to the international news agency Reuters.

I guess Pietri's story, first told to me by my half-Italian grandfather, has stayed with me all these years because it made me realize that losing isn't so bad--as long as you put up a good fight.

Heck, Pietri should have been given a medal for each time that he got up. The man is a true champion in my book. He sure had the heart of one.

Yes, it's an agony to experience defeat...but it's downright shameful to quit going after something you really want just because you've fallen flat on your face a few times. Like Pietri, I'm sure there are many athletes at the 2008 Beijing Olympics who deserve to be honored for their superb sportsmanship and their never-say-die spirit.

Robert Ingersoll, an American political leader who made his mark in the 19th century, said it best: "The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart."

I sure hope we don't forget that even in the heat of the medal tallying frenzy.

Posted by Bean Jones at 1:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

My precocious five-year-old nephew, Karl, threw me a question that had me flabbergasted. Munching on some roasted peanuts while we waited for my brother Nick to pick him up, he suddenly asked, "Uncle Bean, what's a white lie?"

My mind went blank for a few seconds. I tried to distract Karl by asking him if he wanted some ice cream, but he was determined to get an answer. "Well," I said, "a white lie is a lie you tell when you don't want to hurt another person's feelings. It's kind of a good lie." Hearing this, Karl frowned and declared, "I don't get it. I thought lies are bad."

At a loss for words, I resorted to the most convenient answer of all: "You better ask your mom and dad about that."

However, my lame answer continued to bug me after Karl left. Apparently, lying is one of the topics that gets people all worked up.

The results of the 2006 Associated Press-Ipsos poll on lying certainly say as much.

Of the 1,000 survey respondents, 65 percent said it was sometimes all right to lie to avoid hurting another person's feelings. Though 52 percent said lying was never justified, 40 percent were all for exaggerating a story to make it more interesting. Then, 30 percent of the respondents believed that lying about one's age was no big deal. Another 30 percent also said it was fine to sometimes lie about being sick in order to skip work.

Fortunately, "very few" would admit to thinking it was acceptable to lie on a resume, cheat on taxes, or lie to a spouse about an affair.

The data from the poll was interesting--but then it didn't give me an explanation that would make sense to my nephew.

Fortunately, Lewis B. Smedes, author of Mere Morality, had an explanation that wouldn't muddle up Karl. "The person who uses the harmless lie as an escape route from every uncomfortable conversation can soon become addicted to lying. If you always try to make the people around you feel good by exaggerated praise, if you always soothe your anger by glossing over whatever it was that made you angry...you risk losing your feel for being truthful," he says.

So, the next time Karl comes around, I'm going to tell him that lying is bad. I figure the world doesn't have to get complicated for him just yet. Meanwhile, I plead guilty to being a chronic teller of white lies like "No, I didn't have a meltdown when my sister set me up on a blind date."

It's amazing how it took a five-year-old to make me realize that telling the truth is always best. Lies are bad--even if they're told to make someone feel good.

Posted by Bean Jones at 12:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

Have you ever felt like your mind's been frozen?

I just lazed around my place over the weekend. I spent my Friday and Saturday nights eating steamed mushroom dumplings and stir-fried vegetables as I surfed the TV channels. I was dozing in bed by nine o' clock on Sunday night.

Sure enough, I started my workweek with a "frozen brain." I knew I was stuck in a rut when a hearty breakfast failed to inspire me to write anything. Much like meatloaf that's been stuck in the freezer for too long, my mind had to be put in the microwave. It had to be "nuked."

Thus, I ended up compiling some useful tips on how to make a frigid mind sizzle with inspiration:

1. Get some mental exercise. Larry Terkel, co-author of Small Change: It's the Little Things in Life That Make a Big Difference, encourages people who've fallen into a rut to cultivate a "passionate pursuit that would energize your mind." He advises: "The more activities you try, the better your chances are of finding a rev-you-up hobby." Thus, you can choose to take on crossword puzzles or other "brain teasers" such as Sodoku.

2. Make a list. Recall 10 experiences that have made an impact on you--whether it's getting commended for your work ethic or being able to pet a koala for the first time. "Focusing on something you find inspiring, rather than pressuring yourself to produce, helps your brain shift gears for those Aha! moments," says Michael Gelb, author of Discover Your Genius.

3. Get out of your box. "Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new," states Brian Tracy, author of Eat That Frog: 21 Ways to Stop Procrastination and Get More Done in Less Time. For instance, you can listen to songs you normally wouldn't listen to or try out the new cuisine to feel the thrill of a first-time experience.

On hindsight, I realized that my brain had signaled its need to be "fed" with stimulating experiences by growing cold on me. Sometimes it takes a blast of ice to remind you about the warm feeling you get when you discover something wonderful or learns something useful. And while your brain does need a breather once in a while, you have to make sure that it doesn't freeze in a rut.

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Inspired by his girlfriend, my friend Ryan, known for his ability to eat six hotdogs in one go, was all for turning vegetarian. Impassioned, as well as alarmed over his blood pressure, he formally announced via e-mail that he was going to "go cold turkey" on meat. He lasted eight days.

Ryan went back to eating meat because he had been "dreaming of hotdogs every night." One day, he was walking by a hotdog stand on the way to work and the scent of frankfurters being grilled was just too much for him to bear. He ended up eating eight of them in five minutes. Nevertheless, he did put up a valiant effort in the name of love.

That's also precisely why I'm certain Ryan will make another attempt to give up hotdogs. For his second try, I urge him to check out the behavioral nutrition study conducted in Flinders University in Adelaide, Australia.

"The more vivid the mental image of the food you desire, the stronger the craving--and the more difficult it is to ignore," observes Dr. Marika Tiggemann, co-author of the study.

But there's hope for Ryan and those who are tormented by "edible demons." As Tiggemann suggests, "You can use your senses of sight and smell to successfully combat cravings." She shares a three-step mind-over-matter maneuver to help you kick your food cravings:

1. Identify your tasty temptations. First, we have to know our weaknesses. Was it the hotdog being grilled on the stand that seemed to call out your name? Or was it the cheesecake that was begging you to take it home?

2. Get a replacement. Free your mind from the food urge by envisioning a goal you want more. Instead of picturing a tub of popcorn drenched in butter, think about getting fit or buying a new car to reward yourself for overcoming your sinful cravings.

3. Let your nose save you. Each time food cravings sneak up on you, think of scents that are not related to food. Finding it hard to summon a scent from memory? You could carry around a tube of Ben Gay and get a whiff of it each time you think you smell bacon frying.

Now, though our eyes and nose may help us fight off our food urges, we can only give up our yummy-yet-unhealthy vices if we're set on doing so. If not, we're sure to fail even if--like Ryan--our heart is in the right place.

I honestly think Ryan stands a better chance of turning his back on his most beloved processed meat product if he does it for himself and learns fitness tricks from Simpleology 103. Because while love may indeed conquer all, I don't think it can "reprogram" a man's taste buds overnight.

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My recent debacle with my brother Jason had my mom in a tizzy. Her Internet-savvy best friend (who reads my posts) called her up to ask if all was well between Jason and me. You see, as kids we were quite notorious for our sibling rivalry. For the longest time, my mom felt guilty over not being able to put a stop to our constant bickering.

But there's no reason for her to feel as if she's failed as a mother. On the contrary, the fact that she let Jason and me "fight it out" on our own most of the time was probably the wisest move she could have made. (Of course, it helped that we had older siblings who made sure our clashes wouldn't escalate to a fistfight.)

In the article "How to Deal with Sibling Rivalry," Dr. Anthony Kane, who specializes in special education, states that "sibling rivalry is a sign of a healthy family." Reading this, I found myself laughing and asking, "Is this for real?"

Apparently, Kane and other child psychology experts believe so.

"One of the signs of a dysfunctional home or a home where there is a lot of stress is that there is no sibling rivalry," Kane explains. "In these homes the children tend to cling together for security."

He goes on to list the benefits of tense "sibling situations:"

1. It teaches you about conflict resolution. As adults we're able to resolve conflicts in a civil manner. We learned these skills through many fiery episodes with our brothers and sisters. Our siblings are our peers, so learning how to relate to them properly teaches us how to relate to our friends. Ideally, sibling rivalry should provide a safe and supervised haven for children to learn how to resolve their disagreements with others.

2. It teaches you that life is not fair. Many times, one child will be told to let the other get his or her way in order to put an end to the conflict. Parents often resort to ready-to-use reasons like, "Let your brother play with the ball first because he's younger." Yes, this is a very bitter pill to swallow, but you might as well learn it at home.

3. It teaches you about compromise. Negotiating with your siblings for special treats like getting to pick the TV shows to watch prepares you for the real world. You learn to make bargains as opposed to just throwing a fit in order to get what you want.

So, as long as there's no violence involved or severe emotional trauma being inflicted, sibling rivalry is a healthy thing. In the event that parents have to intervene, they must make sure to treat each kid fairly and be as objective as possible about the situation.

Parents should not play favorites, emphasizes psychologist Dr. Kirsten Harrell in her article "Surviving Adult Sibling Rivalry." You see, when parents favor one child over the other, this is when sibling rivalry turns ugly. "Children will get stuck in a cycle of rivalry well into adulthood," says Harrell.

I have to say my brother and I were lucky that our parents didn't play favorites--or else I wouldn't be talking about how great sibling rivalry can be.

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Of all the things I dread doing, saying sorry scares me most. I only take comfort in the fact that I'm not the only one whose mouth runs dry when it's time to eat some humble pie.

To help out folks like me who find remorse unsettling, some experts share some face-saving tips that'll make it a bit easier for us to say sorry:

1. Don't sell it too hard. If you've forgotten your mother's birthday, don't overcompensate for your guilt by telling her that you'll throw her a lavish belated bash. Instead, simply let her know that you're making sure to include her special day into your calendar so you won't miss it again. "Informing her that you're taking steps to avoid making the same mistake shows genuine regret," says Dr. Susan M. Campbell, author of Saying What's Real.

2. Don't drown in drama. Despite your apology, it's possible that the other person may not be ready to forgive you. This is your cue to take a step back. As Dr. Bernard Weiner, social psychologist and author of Human Motivation, explains, "Sometimes keeping quiet is as powerful as speaking up."

3. Don't let pride get in the way. If you suspect you've hurt someone's feelings, apologize as soon as you can. Campbell cautions: "Ignoring your gaffe will allow the hurt to fester." Also, if two people are equally at fault, it's still up to one person to initiate an apology.

In case you're still not sold on saying sorry, psychotherapist Dr. Beverly Engel, author of The Power of Apology, presents a very powerful pitch. "Apology is not just a social nicety," she says. "It's a way of showing respect and empathy for the wronged person. No, it can't undo harmful past actions. But when it's done sincerely and effectively, it can [help deal with the] negative effects of those actions."

Yes, saying sorry may be one of the hardest things to do. But, once you're able to say it, you know you're on your way to "righting" your wrongs. That's certainly so much better than being bogged down by guilt.

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My brother Jason and I were hanging out at our parents' house when he suddenly asked me, "That guy in Pineapple Express is the same one who plays Cyclops on X-Men, right?" I winced before I said, "You are so wrong. That's James Franco. James Marsden plays Cyclops." Jason, undoubtedly the bossiest member of the family, frowned and declared, "No, you're wrong." I countered, "No, I'm right and you're wrong."

Soon, we were yelling at each other and my mother had to intervene. But then--as if reliving the crazy fights we had as kids--Jason and I continued our argument via text messaging after we had both left the house. He refused to go online to check his movie facts and sent me this message: "I don't rely on the Internet to get information." Taking this as a below-the-belt attack, I dialed his number just so I could call him an awful name.

We haven't spoken for nearly four days now.

My mother has found out about this and has just issued an ultimatum to Jason and me: "Grow up or I'll disown you both." So goes her message on my answering machine.

Well, my mom sure got it right.

"Our 'baby self,' which prevents us from letting go when we're not getting our way, can damage or destroy relationships, especially with those closest to us," confirms Dr. Anthony Wolf, a clinical psychologist, in his book Why Can't You Just Shut Up?: How We Ruin Relationships--How Not To.

Then again--the threat of being disowned aside--I was already planning to call Jason and say, "I'm sorry." Believe me, I'm ashamed of resorting to name-calling. (Well, I hope my mom is reading this and that she'll order Jason to go online ASAP.)

To prevent our future brotherly arguments from blowing out of proportion, Jason and I should take to heart the advice given by Dr. Catherine Birndorf, a psychiatrist and author of The Nine Rooms of Happiness:

1. Speak easy. Nothing good comes out of name calling or hitting below the belt. Hurtful words are the emotional equivalent of Crazy Glue. They could stick for a lifetime. (Or a few days that seem like forever.)

2. Listen up. Allow each other to talk--without being defensive or interrupting. When you're both hell-bent on being right or having the last word, it's a lose/lose situation.

3. Cool it. If you're so angry that you can't think straight, take a breather. Then make a specific plan to reconvene and talk again so the break doesn't become a cold war.

I guess this is my way of making peace with Jason. I mean, it would really be tragic if we get disowned just because of a petty argument over a laugh-a-minute buddy movie. Besides, it really doesn't matter which James stars in Pineapple Express.

Posted by Bean Jones at 9:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBacks (0)

Hoping to check out some novels, I stopped by a newly-opened book shop on the way home from the laundromat. Alas, my book shop stop was in vain, as the store only sold fitness books.

I was stunned by the number of titles promising "six-pack abs in six weeks" and "a beach-ready body in seven days." Shortcuts sell big in the fitness industry.

But then do they cut it?

"There are two roads to weight loss: There's the shortcut road which involves things like pills, diets, and infomercial gadgets. Then there's the long road, which usually involves lifestyle changes such as more exercise and less crappy eating. I'm convinced that most people already know the best road to take," states certified personal trainer Paige Waehner, co-author of The Buzz on Exercise & Fitness.

However, weight loss has become a spectator sport--what with people getting agitated whenever a celebrity gains or loses pounds. For some reason, many ordinary folks also want to be the center of attention for weight loss-related reasons. As Waehner explains, "People are still compelled to try shortcuts [because they enjoy the] dramatic results." Certainly, they also get a buzz from the equally dramatic reactions of people around them.

One of the most popular dramatic fitness shortcuts are crash diets, some of which restrict calorie intake to as little as 300 calories a day. According to nutrition writer Geoffrey Cannon, author of Dieting Makes You Fat, this is a big fitness no-no. "Our bodies are hard-wired to respond to [starvation] by retaining body fat rather than burning it off," he states.

Bottom line: the instant results promised by fitness shortcuts like crash diets don't last long. Traci Mann, who led a fitness research conducted at the University of California in Los Angeles, reveals: "The success rate for maintaining weight loss five years after a diet ends is estimated at only five percent. We found that the majority of people regained all the weight, plus more."

Still, despite this data, many people are in awe when a celebrity confesses to eating "only six slices of tomato and four slices of cucumber" for lunch. More often than not, many of us forget to think logically when we are consumed by the obsession to get thin real fast. Would you really expect to look like an athlete in just five days if you've been a couch potato for the past fifteen years?

To help you get on the road to fitness at a safe speed, Simpleology 103 has lessons that will help you adopt healthy eating habits and make wiser food choices. Nowhere does it suggest that you starve yourself in order to shed pounds. Instead, it teaches you how to get the best diet drug of all: patience. It's one surefire fitness supplement that has no harmful side effects.

Ironically, the best way to get fit "fast" is to get fit slow.

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With The Dark Knight recently making a killing at the box office, I recalled that I was such a Batman freak when I was five.

I had a grand time with my superhero obsession, until my eldest brother Nick (who was about 14 at the time) told me why Batman became a superhero. "You can't be Batman, Bean," he said after I made a mess on his bed doing Batman moves. "He became a superhero just because bad guys killed his mom and dad. He's out for revenge."

Nick was shocked when I started to sob. The thought of losing my parents was terrifying and the fact that such a bad thing had already happened to a seemingly-indestructible superhero made it even more horrifying to me.

From then on, I felt sorry for Bruce Wayne. Even as the rest of the world has enjoyed his revenge-driven exploits, I still wince whenever I watch a Batman movie (and I've watched them all).

Thus, I winced at the line uttered by the character Harvey Dent in The Dark Knight: "You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain." To appease the five-year-old boy in me who doesn't want to see Batman dead or become bad, I've come up with the perfect solution to end his revenge-fueled misery: He should retire.

Here are three good reasons why he should quit being a superhero:

1. Revenge wrecks lives. In her 1948 essay, "The Value of Vindictiveness," psychoanalyst Karen Horney classifies the desire for revenge as a "chronic illness." She writes: "This drive can be the governing passion of a lifetime--to which everything is subordinated, including self-interest. All intelligence, all energies, then, are dedicated to the one goal of vindictive triumph."

2. Revenge breaks hearts. In his book Beyond Revenge: The Evolution of the Forgiveness Instinct, psychologist Michael McCullough reveals, "When people think vengeful or vindictive thoughts about someone who harmed them in the past, they experience increases in blood pressure and heart rate. Holding a grudge for years or decades could contribute to wear and tear on the cardiovascular system. This could be one of the physiological mechanisms by which hostile thoughts and feelings cause people to die prematurely."

3. Revenge is not fate. Evolutionary scientists say that just because humans are genetically predisposed to vengeful behavior, it doesn't mean that they're solely at the mercy of their genes. "It's possible for humans to design environmental conditions in which people are motivated to forgive [rather than get even]," says McCullough.

That being said, I sure hope Batman won't think less of himself when he finally gets to lead a normal life as Bruce Wayne. (He could still continue to do good by contributing to worthy causes.) I'm pretty sure that's what his parents would have wanted for him. After all, isn't living well supposed to be the best revenge?

Posted by Bean Jones at 12:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (15) | TrackBacks (0)

It's annoying when you can't say a word that you're already supposed to know. It's enough to keep you awake at night. You toss and turn in bed as you struggle to dislodge the word that's just at the tip of your tongue.

Memory experts like Hyun Choi, a researcher in psychology at Texas A&M, refer to these tongue-twisting episodes as "memory hiccups." Studies show that most of us experience these about once a week. While our universal reaction to the exasperating phenomena is to think real hard, Choi says this only makes things worse. "Too much concentration can hinder progress," he explains. "Often, a similar-sounding--though incorrect word--is blocking the correct answer."

Choi adds: "As long as you obsess, this wrong word remains lodged in your brain, keeping the answer at bay." Thus, he advices that when your tongue lets you down, you should distract yourself with an unrelated activity for about 15 minutes. Ideally, this mental time-out will help your mind let go of the wrong answer and grab the right one.

However, if, like me, you can't rest easy until you've found the word you want to say, you could try the trick prescribed by Deborah Burke, who conducted a study on the tip-of-the-tongue (TOT) dilemma at the Pomona College in Claremont, California. "About 20 to 25 percent of people who had reported a tip-of-the-tongue situation were more likely to come up with the correct answer after reading a list of related words," she reveals.

In any case, there's more to these TOT probes than most of us think.

Amy Beth Warriner and Karin Humphreys, psychologists from Ontario, Canada's McMaster University, theorize that TOT studies can help teachers refine their skills. According to their research, the TOT phenomenon is akin to the mental glitch experienced by students who draw a blank when they're singled out to answer a question in front of the whole class.

When this happens, the teacher either pushes the student to think hard or issues a reprimand. "That really isn't the best technique," observe Warriner and Humphreys. For those situations, they urge teachers to give their students the benefit of the doubt. Not being able to give the right answer doesn't necessarily mean the student hasn't been hitting the books.

Similarly, bosses shouldn't be too hasty in judging an employee who can't remember, say, a client's name right away. (Hey, it happens to the best of us.) A memory hiccup need not lead to a workplace rift.

Indeed, getting stuck in a TOT moment shouldn't be a big deal. Unless the word you're missing can save lives or put a stop to global warming, it's best if you just let your brain take a break. You don't have to let it hold you back from expressing yourself.

Posted by Bean Jones at 9:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (18) | TrackBacks (0)